Tonight was the premier of CMT’s answer to the Bachelor, Sweet Home Alabama, in which a Southern Belle, Devin, (actually from Tennessee – even though when she’s talking to a guy from Franklin, TN – just a stone’s throw from her real home town of Cleveland, TN – she says that’s she’s from Tuscaloosa, Alabama) who attends the University of Alabama (Roll Tide!) is courted by ten Biffs and Blaines from the “City” and ten Jethros and Bubbas from the “Country.” There are several boys from Birmingham – one named Tribble Reese, man, what a great name – and then a handful of boys from New York, Los Angeles and Las Vegas.
Going into it, one would expect the city slickers to be somewhat jerky, and we all know there’s nothing like a gold ole country boy; and from the first four minutes, it appeared this show would be one stereotype after another.
With the southern boys, we have an Iraq veteran, a tobacco farmer (also a vet), a boy named Kash with a Sugar Bowl ring, Jefferson Davis the Third – Tripp, of course, Tribble – a self professed ACC football veteran, and other tall drinks of water that drawl out their pledge to stick together against the Yankees and drink beer from a can.
In the city league we have a personal trainer, Snookie’s ex-boyfriend, a boy scared of bugs, a big-headed stock broker, another personal trainer, and a Ferrari owner. Within minutes they were passing out business cards, talking about how they’re going to buy Devin a bunch of stuff and making fun of the South. Um, you guys better back up the truck, cause you carpetbaggers are going down. Hell, one City Slicker (Brian Wilson) left before he even met Devin because it was “too hot.”
Devin arrives in a old pick-up truck (cliché much?) and introduces herself to the guys. Of course one of the guys (city) sings to her (gag).
There was a group activity of skeet shooting in which the most horrific, terrible statement was made by our “Bama” Belle, Devin: “If you went surfing out here, you’d get eatin’ by a crocodile.” Um, no you wouldn’t.
What? Marine Corps Beau* (country) decided to leave after meeting the chick to go back to Birmingham to work on his PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Well, he didn’t say that, but trust me on this one. Man, the guys are dropping like flies.
Before it even gets started, Devin eliminates two of the guys to join the other two wimps that already left. First to go was Matt from San Diego. Maybe she was worried he would try to surf and get eatin’ by a crocodile, poor fella. Next she tells Adam from Tennessee that girls don’t ask guys out, but if he’d ask her out that she’d say yes. Of course, he asks her out and she says yes. She tells Jeff from Jersey (who says Jersey Whores at least three times in this episode) that she’s concerned he may party too much, but he convinces her that he doesn’t. Then she tells Mark from Hollywood that she thinks it’s time for him to go because she’s not a party girl and he has a typical Hollywood lifestyle. He begs her to stay like I’ve never heard, bless his heart, but she says her mind is made up. Then he starts hugging everybody and crying. Good golly, this is turning into a country song.
This episode was a little like watered down sweet tea, but I suppose I’ll give it another shot next week since the “scenery” is very nice. In case you’re counting, the country boys are in the lead. That’s right, save your confederate money boys, ’cause the South shall rise again!
* To Marine Beau, Tobacco Farmer Cody, and all the other brave men and women who have proudly served our country, I sincerely thank you. Also, PTSD is a serious condition that unfortunately many of our soldiers suffer from without ever knowing that they have it or that there is help. If you want to say thank you, please get involved with the Wounded Warrior project or at the very least, remember to say “thank you” when you see a soldier in the grocery, airport, sidewalk, wherever – whether you believe in the cause or not.