I believe that this is a terrible game and that I can count only on better games to come. Therefore, I believe in liquor, hard liquor.
I believe in sarcasm, which gives me the ability sit through an afternoon of bad football.
I believe Vern and Gary need to retire, without which I cannot continue to watch football on CBS.
I believe that if I eat enough chips and dip that I can slip into a food coma and forget an entire game before it has even ended.
I believe in a fence or hedge around a field because it protects the lives of the coaches from drunk fans.
I believe the players on my television can hear me, therefore I will continue to scream at them, as well as the coaches.
I believe in my team, because they continue to play their hearts out even when it seems like all is lost, and even when armchair coaches like me are slamming drinks, shoving chips in their face, and screaming obscenities at Gary when he criticizes all of college football during plays under review.
And because Auburn men and women believe in these things, I believe in Auburn and love it.
**Originally penned as a Facebook status during the Auburn loss to LSU on 09.19.15