Monthly Archives: April 2009

A Bad Hand

The person I am is hollow. A shell that’s empty with the exception of the faint echoes of his voice bouncing around my memory. My mistakes are laid out in front of me like cards in the game of solitaire that I played as a child. I continue to shuffle them in hopes of moving them out of the stack and discarding them to the side. Again and again they are shuffled into the deck until I finally admit defeat and acknowledge the hand that’s been dealt is one that cannot win. The tears I cried are gone now. Hope has disappeared as well. Hope and excited anticipation fell away and dried up as the salty tears that welled in my eyes and slowly slipped over my cheeks and rolled heavily off my face. Time has numbed me but hasn’t healed. I remain in waiting like a dutiful dog, too well trained to abandon the cause yet too dumb to understand that the command has already been given. There is no reward for my diligence. No treat for my loyalty. I’m just an abandoned, homeless little dog that sits as a statue and ignores the well meaning passersby who try to coax me to let them take care of me. And so I continue to deteriorate, refusing to admit I’ve been discarded, even though it is painfully obvious.