High Road to China: Bentley is in Hong Kong. Shut Up! Seriously? Are you kidding? Really? Yes, Ashley. Chris Harrison would never mess with your head like that. That’s what Bentley is for. Why didn’t he just call? Is he taking the high road? Of course not; he’s here for the vacay! Without the mental lubricant of the cocktail party beverages, Ashley could see clearly and realized Bentley was/is a toad. Bye-bye Bentley!
Ain’t Nothing Going to Break My Stride: After eating some delicious fried pig intestines, Ashley takes a little row boat in China to help get to know Lucas, or as I call him, that non-descript blonde guy. He decides he needs to get his laundry clean and tells Ashley all about his divorce. She still has questions, but gives him the rose. But wait! The season is almost over and they haven’t kissed. Oh, no, they did kiss on the boat. It was just so non-descript that I didn’t notice.
Row, Row, Row Your Boat: For the group date, the guys split up into teams of two and had to recruit random street people to join their rowing team. Everyone just happened to run into English speaking dragon boat crew members with the exception of Team Groban. Josh Groban’s long lost twins, Constantine Groban and Ben Groban couldn’t find their way out of a paper bag. But they bought some super awesome bath robes and exchanged quite possibly the most bromantic bonding moment of Bachelorette history. Groban One: “Dude, we’re getting smoked.” Groban Two: “Like salmon.” After the boat battle, there’s lots of making out between Ashley and most of the guys and lots of Ryan bashing between all of the guys except Ryan, of course. What’s that, Groban? You don’t like cheese in a can? Well too bad, mister, cause Ryan got the rose.
Twice as Nice: JP gets the second one-on-one date – although the hang out in pajamas after getting dumped by Bentley date really doesn’t count. So what do they do? They hang out and have a totally non-Bachelorette type date. Over dinner, Ashley confesses to JP that she saw Bentley in Hong Kong and he took it like a champ. Ashley gives an overly long-winded offer of the rose to JP and he accepts. Now, I don’t want to ruin anything for you, but JP is the winner of this thing. How do I know? I just know. Don’t question my Bachelorette intuition. After all, as of last week I was in second place in the Nashville Bachelorette Fantasy League. That’s right. Ashley in her black bra and white shirt just fell for JP on the top of a roof while some other dude played some ancient Chinese instrument. Take it to the bank. Bank on it. It’s JP for the win.
Cocktails and Confessions: Ashley tells the guys about Bentley and they are pissed off. And by pissed off, I mean pissed off. Lucas got pretty mouthy. Maybe the rose gave him extra courage. Blake grills her as well (he doesn’t like playing second fiddle). JP considers her confession as selfless and honest. After Ashely runs off crying, JP and Ryan come to her defense. Ames (wearing yet another pair of white pants) proves that he’s the least manly man on the face of the planet when he starts talking about wanting a fairy tale. Mickey tells her that she lied and he doesn’t want to be there and she tells him to leave if he needs to and he does. At the rose ceremony, it comes down to Ames (who stands there like a side of beef) and Blake (who sort of looks like a weasel). Blake is sent home.